This post is going to be an honest one. Some of you may think I am off my rocker, others may think I am absolutely correct, and some of you might feel for me. Whatever you think or whatever you feel that is fine. I know that there are some people who will understand where I am coming from and this is for those of you who love me enough to accept my path and will walk through it with me even with all the frustrations, happy tears, sad tears, all the waiting periods and all ups and downs.
There are ladies out there who know that they don't want children. There are many excuses why they don't want children. Some don't want children because they don't want their bodies to be stretched out, tore up, swollen, and sore. Some don't want children because they think having kids means life stops and changes so much and they just can't handle the thought of that. Some just know they won't have the patience or attitude to have little ones. I am sure there are many more but these are the most common I hear.
To that I say, I may never be skinny again, heck I may never be back at my pre-pregnancy weight, but that is OK for me. My husband and daughter still love me unconditionally. I might have crazy stretch marks, but those are just stretch marks made from love! It just means my body can handle anything that is thrown at it because let's face it. Any woman who has carried a child has put their body through war!
Now moving on, my life never stopped after I had my baby girl! In fact it got that much better. Not only do I love her like crazy, but I have experienced things I NEVER would have without her. Some moms like to keep their child on a schedule and that is wonderful, however I don't. This way we don't have to work life around nap time, nap time works around us. Obviously, like a few days ago I knew that before I did anything else I had to get cranky girl down for a nap, but it doesn't stop my life, it only shifts my order of doing things. We hike, we go out to eat, we go to sporting events, we go on random weekend vacations to random places (while in Korea, you never know if you will get a bed or the floor). Life keeps on moving and now it is more fun with little feet. Plus date night means so much more, because it doesn't happen as often.
As for the frustration and patience.... remember I said this is an honest post... NO ONE HAS THEM! Not all the time anyway. Just yesterday I found myself snapping and going crazy because my Princess turned into a crazy, crying, cranky, needy, hitting and kicking the floor DRAMA QUEEN! Oh and this wasn't just a little thing, this went on for hours off and on all day! Yes I lost my cool. But then she brought me over a book sat on my lap and said, "mommy read please." and half way through the book my heart was melting with more love and patience then I had all day! Being a mom is rough I get that, but it better be a really good excuse for you to not want such amazing blessings in your life.
With all of that being said, I am back on the fertility journey. Most of you, if not all of you, know that my first child was a fertility baby. Hubby and I went through a wonderful fertility doctor and after lots of tests, drugs, and shots, I became pregnant with my little princess! Today, right after I finish this blog, I will be starting medication yet again! Prenatal vitamins, provara and in a few days Chlomid. Some of you may be shocked right now that I am so openly announcing this. However, I have been down this road before so I know I need my family and friends as a support group even if we aren't in the same country. I have gone this route before and nothing happened so we proceeded to an off post fertility doctor who through the IUI was successful! Going in for procedures are more pills, injections, tests and in the end a lot more money. So we are going to start off with just the 3 medications for now. If this doesn't happen then Dr. Ma would like to continue trying this way for 3 months. If those 3 months are up and still nothing then we will be looking at going back to the Korean hospital. Which in all honesty I loved! This will be my 4th time going through all this, so friends and family I ask for prayers that we won't have to go further than our first round of meds!