Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Emotional Day!

So I was not even going to blog tonight, it has been a rough evening and I just wanted to go to bed but my brain is super charged still so here it goes. Hopefully this will be short and to the point!

To all of the military families I am not taking anything away from you but we all have a right to cry about the ways of our lives no matter how big or how small the issue is.  Also I am not looking for sympathy in anyway I just want to cry about it!

Collin left today and although it is a short 3-4 weeks and he is still in Country it really stinks.  I am going to be blunt for a moment (and Collin if your actually reading this one I am sorry you will have to forgive me.  It is easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission sometimes :)) I am sure my husband won't mind.  We recently had a blow out. (by recent I mean within the month)  I am talking I had to leave the house to cool down blow out.  Embarrassed because anyone within the 32 stories of our apartment complex probably could hear me!  Yes me, I have a temper and I get loud!  I also feel like my daughter could never forgive me for the anger I had stored up in me and let explode and feel like the worlds worst mother ever.... ok enough about my stupidity.  However this stinks because we of course are doing much better now and of course we still and always will love each other more than anything.  All relationships have these moments.  You just get so used to living with a husband or child that you take them for granted and now that they are gone your world is turned upside down.
Again yes this is only for like a month but it still stinks!  I have always said to my friends that no matter what the length of time is, when your soldier is gone, life decides to get insane.  Well that is what is going on today, or had gone on today.

I woke up knowing it was the first day of actual class for CCU.  Excited but also knew that it wouldn't really start until my day was half over due to the time change.  I still have not gotten my books or the letter from the Army saying I can use my husbands benefits.  School would get really expensive if my books don't come in by weeks end and I had to get online duplicates just to get through, but if the Army doesn't get back to us by weeks end I have no proof of the benefits and I either have to drop the class until the next session or start making tuition payments.  That of course has not had me stress free exactly.

Most of you know that the one thing I have been looking forward to the most since mid January was getting Audrey in swim lessons.  Well that was a bust.  Collin went to enroll her today and there was no mention of upfront fees in the emails that were sent out.  However once he enrolled her they asked for $80.00 upfront.  Which normally wouldn't be an issue but with the finance issue through the military and being shorted 5K $80.00 is now an issue. So congrats to whoever was the 11th person to register was because there is now an open position and you are no longer on the wait list.  I am totally heart broken about this but Collin assured me he WILL get her to swim this year or at least get her to want to be in the water!

Today was also the day that I left Audrey with a babysitter.  What an incredible step for me!  I missed that little girl more than I could have ever imagined.  I was gone for 4 hours exactly but it felt like at least 9.  I couldn't stop hugging on her when I got home.  When I did arrive at the house though I found her snuggled up with the babysitter watching the famous Bubble Guppies!  It was sad to see her so content and being all snugly with someone else but on the other hand as long as she is happy so am I.  I also found she had a good lunch and a pretty picture waiting for me on the kitchen table.  It was amazing to me how much I missed her though.  Collin watches her all the time when I do my 3-4 hours of USO volunteer work but to have her in someones care that wasn't family or a friend I have known for a long time really hit me hard.

Another victory of the day was that I actually drove the car on to post and ACCIDENT FREE!!!!!!  There are so many times I close my eyes or do the ohhhh or the ughh or the ahhhhhhhh while Collin is driving because I am so afraid of the stupidity that are on the roads that I didn't think I would have the courage to drive myself.  The downside to it all, I forgot that our 97 gangster chairman didn't have automatic lights and during my 3 hours of volunteering today my battery drained.  So I had to take a cab back to my home!  Upside, I made it an exact 4 hour day so I didn't have to pay the sitter extra!

Once home I cuddled and played with Audrey we ate dinner and played some more.  I made her a chain for daddy and I found that keeping a child entertained is not difficult when you give them a piece of tape!  I didn't think she was ever going to figure out how to get it off her :)
See the chain for daddy is a bunch of paper links and everyday we will take a link off and write something she did that day on it.  Then we will link the chain back together so when daddy is home he has it so he doesn't feel like he missed so much.  He can read all about her exciting life!

Bed time became the challenge.  She was in deep sleeps and I would move her to the bedroom and as soon as she came off me she was wide awake!  She started this at 8pm and she didn't go to sleep until close to midnight!  She kept popping her head up, looking at Collins side of the bed going......... "Daddy?" I think in her mind there was no way she had to go to sleep if daddy was still awake and doing stuff.  I kept saying Daddy is at work baby and after a couple times of telling her that I got the famous "Nooooooooooooo" followed by "Da Da Da Da" I love my kiddo, she knows how to melt your heart!
So I finally got her down, I finished up some school reading and unloaded and loaded the dishwasher.  I will aim for waking up in about 5 hours to get in a work out and finish picking up some of the house and a couple loads of laundry before my goofy girl pops her head back up!  Although I am hoping she sleeps in past 8 since she was up so late!

Today was full of ups and downs but I am glad it is only for about a month and then Collin can fix the crazy again!  And I know that if there was any serious, serious emergency Collin could be home in a day instead of in a month or longer.

A whole lot of happiness and love right there :) 

Now forgive me as I am not even going to proof read this.  I am going to hope it is decent and you are able to understand it and I am going to run for bed as my brain has suddenly seemed to slow down!
God Bless all the spouses and children going through a deployment right now or any other military separation!

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